Top 10 ways that you know your really hammered at a Party !

1) The hostess that normally looks like Joan Rivers is starting to look like Jenny McCarthy 2) When you light your 12th cigarette you light it in the middle 3) You try and try to open the non screw top of a Heineken until your finger starts to bleed, but you get another Heineken because you think there was something wrong with the first 4) When you go to take a leak at 1am,you lean against the wall with your right hand , but your head is against the wall also 5) Macadamia Nuts(who brought those) taste as good as a cheesburger 6) The only beer thats left is a O’Douls(non alchoholic),,and you drink it anyway 7) The guy that coached your kid in 4th grade lacrosse starts making sense.8) Your burps start bringing up foot particles (macadamia nuts, etc) 9) Your out of Parliaments so you borrow a Virgina Slim Light from the l4th grade lacrosse guys wife. 10 ) the lacrosse guys wife who normally looks like Amy Winehouse is starting to look like Cameron Diaz with black hair..

I HATE the NBA, H..A…T..E.. Kobe, KG, Melo, are…

a freakin joke …The playoffs are a bombastic display of pyrotechnics, loud(bad) rock and pop music, and over-adrenalized fans rooting for multi-million dollar spoiled children, and that’s in person.  Imagine a sport where it’s better to watch the game at home on the TV, and even that is akin to going to see Hannah Montana and Cyndi Lauper do a version of John Gay’s THREE PENNY OPERA..  Complete brutality.  I have a suggestion..Why not make Kobe and KG ( Kevin Garnett) joust in Wembley Stadium while Tim Duncan ( The most boring superstar ever) recites ELEGY IN A COUNTRY CHURCHYARD  ?  Maybe that way I would watch.

I’m Pissed today because everybody in town is going away for the Spring Break next week…

and I’m stuck at home hoping to go on a few day trips. It’s kind of my fault.(1).No early planning (some women I know have been planning this trip since the GIANTS won the Super Bowl) (2) Don’t want to spend the cash( In my defense it’s hard spending $4500 (prob low) when it’s 67 degrees outside and the only benefit is drinking (I can do that here( and laying in broiling sun ( I’m Irish/Italian so my Irish half (face and arms and legs) burn to a crisp…I can do that here on a lacrosse field just as easy. But here’s the thing that really pisses me off. Why is there a Spring Break for teachers ? Were the months of February ( wait they had a break in Feb)..Ok March ( You had Saint Patricks Day) that brutal that they needed a break ? So because they were so stressed from March 1st to April 15th ( BTW you had the NCAA Tourney in there to bide your time ) that they needed another break before slaving for another month before they have off 3 months for the Summer , that I need to now take my 5 kids (2 in college that’s really inexpensive) and spend 4500 to take them somewhere and drink overpriced Tequila Sunrises and pay SICK cash to watch some cheap version of a porpoise(dolphin..who cares about the difference) named Quipper( Snap) swim around a small tank in Quipper World ? Thanks Mrs McGillicudy and your strong Union !